Updated: Feb 25
Not exactly sure what I am looking forward to, but I am definitely looking forward. If you break that statement down it can mean two things. One: You are looking forward to something you know is coming, something you are eager for. And two: You are present, looking only forward, and not backward. Sounds basic, I know, and in a world of just that, I try to look past the surface of most things if I can. Lately, I have been struggling deeply with finding my calling, finding my purpose. Now, I know I am doing many things with my life at the moment, and I definitely know I am here to do something creative, and I know being a wife and a mother is something I've always longed for, but I also know I feel something bigger is out there waiting for me on top of all of those achievements. Call me over-confident, but I have felt this pull to do something big since I was very young. I was put on this earth for a greater purpose, or a greater knowing. I want to do something good with this life, and connect with the world on a deeper, more intentional, and spiritually-aware level.
Being stuck in a creative rut can be difficult for someone like myself. Not only am I expected to be constantly creating, but I put that same level of pressure on myself to always have a new idea. It can be exhausting constantly finding ways to innovate, because it doesn't always come as naturally as people might think. I have days where I am on a creative high and feel like I can do anything, or I have mastered something new, and it is going to be received well by others. But then I have the dark days, where I am in a rut, I can't even get myself to think creatively and my energy is lost. I start doubting every idea, convincing myself they're not good enough. I start losing hope for a future in the industry I crave so badly to be a part of. And don't even get me started with social media!! The comparison game we play as soon as we open that lovely app, swiping precious minutes of our lives away, can be the ultimate confidence killer. Now, I am not saying that social media is all bad, because it can be great for so many things. It is an amazing (and free) platform to promote business, network with amazing people, have a good laugh, or get inspired. But, you can equally get sucked in to the comparison game that calls you in to play, where you compare your success, body, and lifestyle to others, only to finish with lowered self esteem. It can take control if you let it, it really can. We are all guilty of letting social media, and society alone, set the standard of where we think our lives should be, or how we think we should look.
I truly believe everyone is made for something. Everyone has a purpose. We don't always know what that is, but with time and experience, I think we all have the capability of accessing it. Each time I experience challenging hardships in my life, my purpose becomes a little clearer. I have spent many times, even years, feeling sorry for myself, feeling hopeless and uncertain. But the more challenges I go through, the more connected I am with myself and the greater world. I know in my heart I was made to create, made to impact, made to share compassion, and help others. While I am still figuring out a lot, and still experiencing challenges on how to reach my personal and professional goals, I have learned to be ok with letting things flow. I've always felt the need to rush, and put something out that's perfect, something ready-to-go. I'm learning to let go more than I ever have, and it's truly freeing. If I have a bad week, that's ok. If I am not crushing it on social media, that's ok. If I'm not making the next move, that's ok. I am learning to be present and realize that nobody is waiting on me, but me. The ideas, the dreams, and the goals I have will all come together. They are coming together, and when I get there it will be beautiful. I'll have an amazing story about the process. Thank you all for being here with me as I share it.
Mantra Of the Week :
"I am a conscious creator, and I have the ability to create the life I most desire".
- The Calling by Rha Goddess
Photograph by Subalpine Photography